Curiosity and Capacity
Tue, Dec. 2nd, 2025 04:31 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
neurosismancerThe last couple weeks have been an absolute whirlwind, and I'm still coming to grips with it all. Had my first date with a new person, my first proper date with my girlfriend in literally months, and I hit up two more open mics to read poetry at people.
I tore through the newest Haruki Murakami novel, The City and it's Uncertain Walls. It was very... Murakami in just the ways I've come to enjoy from him. (And yes, he was weird about a woman's ears, but only once.) Between that, and some other personal stuff, I've been finding myself musing a lot on identity and reconciling with my pre-transition self. It's all very philosophical, even Jungian, and I do not quite have the vocabulary to put it into words. One way in which these thoughts have manifested is by digging into my (his?) old writing — mostly poetry, but also personal blogging that got preserved by the Wayback Machine. This person is somehow both a stranger and familiar at the same time, and in some ways I'm picking up where he left off.
Back in 2017, I crashed out from blogging and basically gave up writing for several years, with the exception of the occasional poem, and my 2020 NaNoWriMo attempt. (I beat NaNoWriMo, but never finished the novel. One day, perhaps.) Only recently have I feel like I have the capacity for long-form writing, and only very recently has my attention span returned enough for active reading. I'm returning to an aspect of myself that has been lost to me for so long... no wonder I'm behaving like a skittish cat. It's almost like meeting a stranger.
I'm sure it'll shake out in time.
In the meantime, I've published a collection of my daily poetry for November as another pay-what-you-want eBook, and I plan to hit up a couple more open mics this month, including one on Friday. Let's see what comes of them!
I tore through the newest Haruki Murakami novel, The City and it's Uncertain Walls. It was very... Murakami in just the ways I've come to enjoy from him. (And yes, he was weird about a woman's ears, but only once.) Between that, and some other personal stuff, I've been finding myself musing a lot on identity and reconciling with my pre-transition self. It's all very philosophical, even Jungian, and I do not quite have the vocabulary to put it into words. One way in which these thoughts have manifested is by digging into my (his?) old writing — mostly poetry, but also personal blogging that got preserved by the Wayback Machine. This person is somehow both a stranger and familiar at the same time, and in some ways I'm picking up where he left off.
Back in 2017, I crashed out from blogging and basically gave up writing for several years, with the exception of the occasional poem, and my 2020 NaNoWriMo attempt. (I beat NaNoWriMo, but never finished the novel. One day, perhaps.) Only recently have I feel like I have the capacity for long-form writing, and only very recently has my attention span returned enough for active reading. I'm returning to an aspect of myself that has been lost to me for so long... no wonder I'm behaving like a skittish cat. It's almost like meeting a stranger.
I'm sure it'll shake out in time.
In the meantime, I've published a collection of my daily poetry for November as another pay-what-you-want eBook, and I plan to hit up a couple more open mics this month, including one on Friday. Let's see what comes of them!
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Date: 2025-12-03 11:40 am (UTC)I honestly think...yes I carried horrible views back then AND obviously I've done things I regret but actually looking at my behaviour, it came from fear or mostly ignorance. I don't hate "old me" but I'm glad I'm not him anymore.
no subject
Date: 2025-12-03 08:18 pm (UTC)I resonate with returning aspects of self, long lost, especially regarding reading and writing. May it be an enriching and lovely journey for everyone experiencing this. ♥