Learning to Appreciate the Silence

[neurosismancer]

It feels as though a switch flipped in my head recently and I’ve become able focus and think and read. My anxiety is still there, just heavily muted. It amps up a bit when I’m high but it’s still manageable.

I’ve been reading a lot lately, too. Finished the first novel I’ve read in close to a year, possibly two: The Asylum for Wayward Victorian Girls which was a very good read. I’m now taking on the newest Haruki Murakami novel, The City and its Uncertain Walls. So far, it’s a very captivating read, though he has yet to be weird about a woman’s ears. There’s still two thirds of the book to go though! I also read the canonical lesbian vampire novel Carmilla, but that was really more of a novella.

I’m also reading non-fiction. Tonight, I finished reading Lurking: How a Person Became a User by Joanne McNeill. It’s been a fascinating read and incredibly useful research for my essay about about identity on the Internet.

And speaking of reading, I read at Dyke Mic! It went over well: I read two poems from the chapbook and a newer poem from November 5th. (You can read that here.) At least one person downloaded the chapbook afterwards! This Friday, I plan to read at a local open mic at the nearby indie bookstore. I have no idea what to expect or how it’ll go, except I suspect the crowd will have a lot fewer lesbians and trans women. Hopefully the poems go over as well.

It feels good to be reading and writing so regularly. It feels like I’m coming back to a part of myself that hasn’t been there in a long time. I burned myself out so hard on writing during my “tech blogger” era. The energy is now being driven to the right place. My biggest worry is that this moment of quiet and functionality is temporary. If so, I’m trying to look at it as a gift, and be grateful.

Comments

[death_beat]

Glad to read you are returning home to yourself.

[computerghost]

I'm glad to hear things have switched for you in some ways. It's also cool to hear you've been reading books and getting your poems out there!

[shadowbliss]

I listened to the Asylum For Wayward Victorian Girls audiobook this year. I also liked it. Emilie's music was kind of everything to me at 19 years old (pretend to be shocked) and this book was EXACTLY what I expected of her. I DO have a copy of the book but I prefer it in audio because hearing "Goodnight Sweet Ladies" alone makes it worth the time.

Enjoy yourself

[neurosismancer]

Ooh, I may have to track down the audio book. Is the recording of "Goodnight Sweet Ladies" the same as the on on the Fight Like a Girl album, or different?

[shadowbliss]

It's exactly the same.

It was actually what made me decide NOT to read the published book (even though I have a copy of it too), because I presumed the only way they could've incorporated that in was to write the lyrics out (or...MAYBE the sheet music) and I would've recognized it immediately (again, EVERYTHING TO ME AT 19!) and that would've encouraged me to just want to listen to it.